Real Self-Soothing
Real self-soothing: “I can’t control what other people think. All I can do is try my best. Realistically, I seem to be doing fine.” Etc.
Fake self-soothing: “If they don’t like me, fuck them … They probably don’t like me … Fuck them.”
It’s easy to let fear dress up as assurance.
Then you’re a spring-loaded denial machine, defensive at the first hint of detraction, primed not to listen but just to shut down and circle up.
Real self-soothing involves uncertainty: you don’t know what’s going to happen. You don’t know what other people think. You’re asking yourself to tolerate that.
Fake self-soothing erases uncertainty: the worst case is happening. All bets are off. You can do and say what you want. You’re a victim.
Probably in everyone’s best interest to help others become good self-soothers.