The newest BBC Bowie documentary, The Last Five Years, which is cheesily produced but worth it for the footage.
Attending my last college percussion ensemble (Afrocuban drumming) class. :(
Remembering that when you’re (I’m) worried that you might have accidentally offended someone, it’s tempting to comfort yourself by thinking of the ways in which your behavior was justified (e.g. “they couldn’t accuse me of offending them, because this was an okay thing to say”), but it’s probably much healthier to think of the reasons why they likely weren’t offended in the first place. The former response unnecessarily pits you against this person (whom you care about!), imagining an argument where you would “prove” that they shouldn’t feel offended. It also gives in to your anxiety since it takes its premise, that they feel offended, for granted. The latter response actually addresses your worry, since it leads you to rationally consider the likelihood that they feel offended. And if there’s still reasonable doubt it (and if it’s appropriate to do so), you can just ask.
I think the former response above is one example of how caring, a nice thing, can accidentally become combativeness, a not-nice thing. We wouldn’t feel anxious if we didn’t care about this other person. But we let our care make us defensive.
I also think this is what goes on with white people who respond to white guilt with racism, but I don’t have the education or the TED Talk stage to write about that now.