№ 01 ◍ 06 ◍ 2009

We’ll Do It Live!

Why I’d Like To Punch Bill O’Reilly In The Face

A School Assignment (No offense Fox fans)

“I’ll tell you what. I’ve been in combat. I’ve seen it, I’ve been close to it… and if my unit is in danger, and I’ve got a captured guy, and the guy knows where the enemy is, and I’m looking him in the eye, the guy better tell me. That’s all I’m gonna tell you. The guy better tell me. If it’s life or death, he’s going first.”

Known by some as a heroic television legend, by others as a noodle-headed pundit, Bill O’Reilly is a person I’d like to punch in the face. Despite his talent as a news commentator and woo-er of the American public, to me he is nothing but a liar and a disgrace to American politics. I will admit, he can be “helpful” during an election season–for both sides. With his witty and biased remarks, he has allowed for the Democrats to conjure some of our most powerful talking points–and stereotypes–in the election. Sometimes his controversial arguments can be used to label Republicans as ignorant, but that is not a unique ability. President Bush has some 272,000 results for search query “president bush stupid quotes” via Google.

“If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it’s clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush Administration again, all right?”

After years of urban combat, interrogations, and arrests, the Iraqi government was found to be clean of weapons of mass destructions, or WMD’s. Bill O’Reilly didn’t keep his promise to “not trust the Bush Administration again,” and instead told ABC’s Good Morning America : “I was wrong. I am not pleased about it at all and I think all Americans should be concerned about this…What do you want me to do, go over and kiss the camera?” That’s just one of the O’Reilly quotes listed on About.com’s  Political Humor section. There are tons more, many of them unreported, some of them unsuitable for me to write. But one of my favorites is: “And guys, if you exploit a girl, it will come back to get you. That’s called karma.” That particular snippet is from Bill O’Reilly’s book, The O’Reilly Factor For Kids, in which he discusses drugs, sexual intercourse, money, smoking, alcohol and music. Tom Breuer from SweetJesusIHateBillOReilly.com a review of the book, describing it as “a piece of dreck.”

“Now it’s so bad that I spend an enormous amount of money protecting myself against evil.”

- on being who he is

Bill O’Reilly is one of television’s most egotistical characters, up on the list with Jack Donaghy and Dwight Schrute (unfortunately for Bill, they’re not, er, real). He is widely known for taking things out of context, twisting the truth, and, well, making things up. One video on YouTube.com , “Bill O’Reilly Gets Owned By Kid” emphasizes O’Reilly’s knack for all-of-the-above, and how a well-informed teenager can “own” a fifty-nine-year-old. In the video, two high school students are being interviewed on Bill’s show The O’Reilly Factorabout a school seminar on drugs and sex. The seminar was being ridiculed because some people felt it was “totally inappropriate” and that speaker Joel Becker was a bad influence. O’Reilly–using his truth twisting skills–claims that Becker was, in a way, endorsing drug use. But high school student Jesse Lange explains to Bill what Joel Becker really meant by reading the entire paragraph leading up to Becker’s quote, “If I had some ecstasy here maybe I’d do it with you,” the quote Bill had been distorting.

“You know what’s really frightening? You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary, but it’s true. You’ve got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night and they can vote.”

“Yeah, everybody who watches The Daily Show With Jon Stewartis definitely a stoned slacker. In fact, I think everybody who watches/listens to left-wing media is wrong. It’s an ongoing scandal that needs to be addressed. That’s why I watch The O’Reilly Factor.” is my sarcastic response to Bill O’Reilly’s quote on Jon Stewart’s comedy show. It is incredibly ignorant to think that a whole category of TV viewers are alike. Sure, a few might be “stoned slackers,” but I know my little brother Sammy isn’t one. I know my friend Michael Polson isn’t one. That said, Bill was probably joking, you know ol’ Bill. He’s the funny one! After all, one of my favorite quotes came from him. “We’ll do it live!” Bryan, class: you would know.

“The ‘shut up’ line has happened only once in six years.”

All together, Bill O’Reilly just doesn’t seem like a very nice person. I actually wonder if he’s a misanthropist. With all the, “shut up,” and “cut his mic, cut his mic” lines I’ve heard, its a big possibility. I can relate. For instance, I want to punch someone in the face! A couple of people, actually. But hey, everybody hates somebody a little bit. Some day, Bill O’Reilly, some day…

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